It will be
what it will be
(it already is)
if we are alone
(together)
the future will find
us weathering the weather
what will be, will be
(and we already are)
and it already is:
let us love.
By Heidi Turner
It will be
what it will be
(it already is)
if we are alone
(together)
the future will find
us weathering the weather
what will be, will be
(and we already are)
and it already is:
let us love.
By Heidi Turner
I see Your shadow of light, knowing
You see me—You speak in whispers,
replying to my grief-drunk shouting,
and when I try to name You,
You only are—You are
so many things, but only You,
and You tell me, finally,
a name I can call you:
that You are, and You are
here with me.
By Heidi Turner
I stare at letters in my hand,
and I fold—
imagine the ink, still wet,
and I fold—
sweep my hand on the table,
and I fold—
I almost kiss the paper,
and I seal my fate—
drop your name in the cavern:
I fold into myself,
right there on the sidewalk.
By Heidi Turner
A little anguish settles in
fills the grout lines of my soul
with quicksand determination
and I float along on a single cynical tile
wondering if there is movement
beyond the breaking.
By Heidi Turner
I rejoin myself in fits and starts;
little promises are made
between the child in me
and the reasons the child is gone—
“I swear I’ll keep you safe,
I swear I’ll keep this body warm.”
By Heidi Turner
My confidence ticks like clockwork
it spins around itself
I second-guess
I dream
I wonder whether it is midnight
or midday
I wonder which twilight I’m caught in
when I see the sky blushing pink
through the window
that faces neither east nor west.
I tried to keep the quiet inside me
but it would come out in screams,
shouts, words I’d never said aloud,
underground caverns flooded,
and the levies in my chest
were forever breaking—
on my best days, I can speak
in brooks, words drying in the sun.
By Heidi Turner
Hand on the arrow,
my courage wavers
and I try to keep fear
from fueling my fire—
I’ve stood in the starlight
playing a melody
on the bowstring,
and now tumble headlong
into the opening gates,
and wonder: who is
is watching the watchmen?
By Heidi Turner
When God tore the water from water
did he plan on making strata
and little ducklings of his children?
My wings shimmer in the sunlight
and in the murkier of the waters
I tread in desperation—
Let me float even for a moment
while I long for my migration
to the middle class.
By Heidi Turner
My words were never
messages in bottles
I carry chain-linked sentences,
Marley-weighted, and anchored
deftly to the shoals—
The silence on the paper
the sound of wading into tidal waves.
By Heidi Turner
The tide of manners sweeps
over our shifting moral shores,
the winds of change
re-cliché themselves
and I am left to watch
in the dingy bouncing
on shallow reefs:
time and time again,
the better story stays.
By Heidi Turner
We strike the harp
in the ruins;
sing refrains in the storm
that will sink us,
we sleep in the shadows
cast by angel’s wings
and we live with the light
that has already burned us,
because hope is a bell,
it rings and rebels and rebels,
hope is a sparrow singing,
hope is a criminal child.
By Heidi Turner
I long for sunrise
and I dread the light—
I dance in the dark and I fall,
I wonder and I fear
and I can’t tell the difference
between them,
and I have forgotten the summer
in much the way I forgot you,
and now, remember remembering:
the pictures traced over
the faces faded
the doorway, the song.
By Heidi Turner
Remind me again
of that first breath
breathed into you
that flowed into me,
the side of you I took
and carry even now,
remind me of it again
with fingers on my throat,
as you take my breath away.
By Heidi Turner
My own consciousness
is foreign to myself
and I am such a stranger
to my own impulses
I have no language for
my inside, I have no words
to cause communion,
I am a suppliant to my vocabulary;
I am no longer convinced
of a lifeless planet Mars.
By Heidi Turner
I looked to You
in the twilight of the morning,
the morning after you molded me
and asked for work to do,
“Be still, the sun is rising,”
it rose; I stood beside you,
and we sat beside a river
and floated leaves down the stream,
“What must I do?”
and still, the sun was shining.
And I put my hand to the earth
to tend to all You’d planted,
“Be still, the sun is setting,”
And I stood beside You:
we both saw that it was good.
By Heidi Turner
Time passes like a papercut
until the entire outside of me
is screaming for relief
and the blood shows itself
still embedded in the surface,
and even while it tears away
at my patience and my soul
and my surface and my strength,
I know that my heart
is not in danger yet.
By Heidi Turner
If I stand on the prow
with a smile on my lips
just remember there are stories
that belong only to their bards
and when I stand on the shore
with a word stilled on my tongue
remember who I am, and was,
and when you read what I said
even after I am gone, recall
that I’ve never been one to kiss and tell,
so just imagine what I don’t say.
By Heidi Turner
I never could keep you safe
(I tried, I tried),
and I betrayed our history again
today when I didn’t stop
to look twice;
I didn’t want to know if they were you,
and yet now I do,
enough to write this down.
By Heidi Turner
The kind of secret worth keeping
is one that keeps itself, that does not
leap to your lips at every beat
in every conversation;
like the feeling of longing for London
even under the shadow of its Eye,
one cries for the intimacy of belonging
only to the two of us.
By Heidi Turner